Broadcast in an aural Hazmat suit for your protection. Dedicated to Genesis P-Orridge (22 February 1950 – 14 March 2020).

...did I do that joke already? Aw, who the hell cares, we're all doomed anyway.

Trying to do a show through a set of battered lungs. Fun. Dedicated to Andrew Weatherall (April 6, 1963 – February 17, 2020) and David Roback (April 4, 1958 – February 25, 2020), either of whom I'd almost trade places with tonight. Almost.

This is a show.

...has only just begun. Not that you'd know it from this show. Dedicated to Andy Gill (1 January 1956 – 1 February 2020) and Ivan Král (May 12, 1948 – February 2, 2020).

...but, look, I don't necessarily want comedians to friggin' die for it to happen, okay? Sigh. Dedicated to Jack Burns (November 15, 1933 – January 26, 2020).

In fondest memory of Terry Jones (February 1, 1942 - January 21, 2020).

And don't read this either.

Dedicated to Buck Henry (December 9, 1930 – January 8, 2020) and David Bowie (January 8, 1947 – January 10, 2016), one of whom just died, the other of whom is still dead. You figure it out.

..means my vision is in my, um, never mind...? Here's to Neil Innes, Dave Riley and Norma Tanega. Vaughan Oliver, too, though I don't know if I can play any 4AD sleeves tonight. But what the hell, could be worth a try. New decade and all.

A very special Christmas show. For the first hour, anyway. After which it's not f***ing Christmas anymore. So deal.

...but I'm just gathering ammo and gathering reinforcements for the forthcoming War on Boxing Day. Or something.

Bland on bland? Maybe. Such are the ways of this program. Allow me to drape your ears in beige.

What the hell are you looking down here for? I said I got nothing!